after the BITTER of AA

alas ocho na ng gabi. tapos na manuod ng AA (Artistang Artlets). inaasahan ni donna na hindi na niya makikita ang crush niyang lubos na sinaktan ang kanyang kalooban. ang crush niyang tila sinira ang kanyang pangarap na magkaroon ng mainit na pasko. ang crush niyang tila nag Ph.D. sa TORPEology.

ngunit, sa mga panahon ganito, kadalasan tayo ay nabibigo. habang naglalakad patungo sa CR, tila tadhana ang nagdala sakanya upang lumingon sa kanyang likod.

"Sh*t!" sabi ni donna.

kaagad naman siyang tinanung ni danna, ang kanyang matalik na kaibigan.

"wag kana lang lilingon. andyan na cia!" sambit ni donna sa kaibigan.

"pag-ibig nga naman, kulay pa lang ng damit alam na agad kung siya ang sinisinta." gatong ni danna.

STRIKE 3 :P

minsan kahit importante sayo ang isang tao, kahit sobrang gusto mona siya, hindi mo maiwasang magtampo dahil may mali siyang ginawa. hindi lang isang beses kundi tatlong beses pa.

hindi kona alam kung dapat pang paniwalaan ang mga sasabihin ng isang taong tatlong beses na kong PINAASA. kung tama ang term na ginamit ko, oo PINAASA.

strike 1. pangakong hindi na magyoyosi.

isang araw, habang naglalakad papuntang school, nahuli. hindi tuloy siya mapakali. kitang kitang nagyoyosi siya.

strike 2. lunch daw.

tara kain tayo sa school. okay naman ako. pagdating ko nga lang sa school nalimutan na niya, nagdota na pala. sa iba kopa nalaman. buti na lang may nahagilap akong kasamang maglunch.

strike 3. HP7.

wawa ka naman. ako na lang sasama sayo manuod ng HP7. ako naman na-excite akala ko kasi totoong sasamahan niya ko. dumating ang Sunday, buong araw akong naghintay at hindi ako umuwi ng Bataan sa pag-aakalang sasamahan niya ako. ending? "nawala sa isip ko." (OUCH!!!) 2 days din akong nag-iiyak at nagmukhang tanga :P

mali bang maniwala? bigyan siya ng chance at maniwala ulit? bakit kaya merong mga taong sadyang madaling makalimot? yung iba naman napakatagal makalimot? ang gulo. iba-iba talaga ang tao. may normal at abnormal.

SMP fever kabilang ako?

parang lahat ng kaibigan ko magiging masaya ang pasko at hindi magiging member ng Samahan ng Malalamig ang Pasko (SMP). ako? maiiwang ganun, forever? ang nega ko naman.

depressed na talaga ko sa mga bagay bagay.

kung hindi maiiwan, gagamitin, o kaya naman hindi mapapansin.

Halos Pangako lang, walang gawa. (HP7 is fail)

akala mo ang saya-saya na. ang daming plano. ang daming pangako. yun pala, lahat ng 'yon ipapako lang.

hindi mona alam kung hanggang kelan mo to gagawin. ang umasa sa mga pangakong ilang beses na niyang kinalimutan. mga planong ilang beses na niyang tinalikuran.

bakit ka ba kasi nagpapaniwala sa puro salita lang? bakit ka ba kasi nagpapadala sa mga messages na hindi mo naman alam kung totoo at mula sa puso?

ngayon umiiyak ka? kasi nagpaloko ka nanaman. nagpadala sa mga salitang tila ang sarap basahin pero hindi naman makayanang isabuhay.

(hay, nagpaloko nanaman ako. umasa nanaman ako. simpleng bagay lang naman eh, bakit ba hindi maisakatotohanan. pagod na ko. ang dami ng chances na laging pinalampas.)

MORE...

i'm really thankful to You, oh Lord. Everytime i bend my knees and ask a favor from you, you always give me MORE than what i expected, you always help me when i am so down and you always ease the pain whenever i'm hurt.

THANK YOU PO :P

this's the best semester ever! :P

time capsule :P

February 25, 2020

11:45pm (before I end my birthday)

Inside my room

When I first realized what kind of life I am to face in the field that I have chosen, I almost cried. This accidental field, Political Science, is something I don’t really know how to describe but one thing’s for sure, this world that I’ve entered changed me and filled out the part lacking in me.

It is because of this field why I was forced to read and later loved to. It is here where I met people I did not even imagine I would embrace and cry with. It is because I became a student of this area why I desire success by means of knowledge.

In the midst of hardships, I still aim for a simple life. A life where I can share what I have learned and what I have accomplished. Being a student is hard but I guess being in the real world is hell.

Given the chance, I would definitely take up Electronics and Communications Engineering. However, if I am to consider what is happening in my life, a mistakenly taken course named PolSci, I think God really has His purpose.

Yes, I know, it is too late ‘cause life is too short to waste time. If that’s the case, why not share whatever I have in life? Why not enjoy whatever I am doing as a PolSci student? Why not consider the life dealing with people around you and even being able to help them?

Today, (October 12, 2010) as I write this letter, I promise to be successful. Before, I am thinking of entering a new field after I finish my present field, now, I am thinking of pursuing this career and be successful in any means. When I say in any means it doesn’t mean I would follow Machiavelli’s notion of “the end justifies the means”. What I would want to say is that, there is this reason why I am here now, and today, (February 25, 2020) I would definitely have an answer.

Like everybody else, I would strive to be a Political Scientist. Apart from this, I would not dismiss the desires of my heart. Passion is what I need and to acquire this passion it’s either I need to love what I am doing or I need to do what I love. My love for mathematics would never leave me, I guess, so I want to master whatever it is that would connect mathematics in PolSci. Another plan would be in the field of performance. I don’t know, but I am thinking of doing this field still, in spite of having sleepless nights with my field. Maybe because it is the only place where I can laugh and cry without telling that “hey, this is the real me.” Finally, I would strive hard to be a good writer. I may not be good in writing today but I know, someday, I will. I would want to use and develop the skill that PolSci had thought me.

Today, before my 28^th birthday ends, I am one of the best Political Scientists who do not just work for her own benefit but for the people. I am one of the best performance artists who do not just act but who acts wholeheartedly and who do not just dance but who dances with heart and soul. I am one of the best writers in the world who would inspire people with her works just like how the works of different writers coming from all over the world motivate its readers with every single word.

10 important things that remind me of who I am

1. I love the Lord.

When I am facing life’s challenges, He’s the only person I seek to consult.

2. I love my family more than myself.

Their happiness is my happiness. Without them, I would be nothing; I would not be who I am now.

3. I love chocolates.I

love KitKat (this is nonsense :P). I love this because it’s a chocolate and my nickname’s in it (nonsense).

4. I am a friend.

I support people always and try to inspire/uplift them as much as I could.

5. I am a frustrated writer.

Ever since I learned how, why, and when to write, I cannot stop myself from doing such in spite of my work’s lacking in sense.

6. I don’t want other people to see the weakness in me.

I easily get hurt but I easily forget this feeling of being hurt. I hate it whenever they know I am not okay.

7. I am confident with myself.

People who try to pull me down will never be successful.

8. I hate doing things that can hurt people around me.

If incase I did something, it’s either unintentional or I just have to do it.

9. I consider my problems as my training ground.

I consider these as something that would help me and not ruin me.

10. I know what is right from what is wrong.

However, I admit I have to do wrong things sometimes.

GOALS	DATE ACHIEVED	PENDING DATE
High School Graduation	April 5, 2008
“Hapag” (play proper) -be able to act and dance well in the play.	April 7, 2009
“Silang Nabubuhay sa Daigdig” (play proper) -to be give justice to the character of “Celia”	March 30, 2010
To get the summer job offered in Ventus(PLDT)	April 20, 2010
Vote -because I have my summer job, I had to go back to Bataan to vote on election day itself.	May 10, 2010
To finish my contract with Ventus	May 12, 2010
To dance in the TPSF 2010 1st General Assembly for the love of the forum	June 22, 2010
To represent the class well by joining Mr. & Ms. Political Science	August 28, 2010
To participate in the Community Development Project of TPSF and make the kids happy		October 16, 2010
To be part of the SK and Barangay Elections (PPCRV)		October 25, 2010
To pass the 1st semester of my Junior days		October 26, 2010
To pass the 2nd semester of my Junior days		March 28, 2011
College Graduation -to pass my Senior year		March 26, 2012
To find a job		June 25, 2012
To treat my whole family		July 25, 2012
To read completely all books that were discussed in our Political Thought		July 8, 2013
To write in a newspaper		August 24, 2014
To visit the Vatican City with my family, especially with my Mama		February 1, 2015
To write a book		September 25, 2018
Wedding		October 18, 2020

(baka mawala yung letter eh, so i decided to post it here :P)

HINDI TAYO PWEDE...

kung pwede lang, edi pagbibigyan natin. ang kaso hindi talaga pwede. sana naman maintindihan na niya, sana wag na niyang ipagpilitan. nahihirapan din kasi ako.nahihirapan ako kasi kaibigan ko siya and ayokong masaktan siya.

sinubukan ko namang wag siyang masaktan sa paraang alam ko. pinili ko maging totoo at hindi ako nagsinungaling.

dapat lang talaga siguro ngayon pa lang tigilan na. wala naman kasing patutunguhan. hindi narin magbabago ang isip ko. kung tatagal pa yan, mas lalo lang masasaktan.

sinubukan kong wag masira ang pagkakaibigan, pero, ngayon, sa tingin ko, pansamantala muna akong mang-iiwan. wala na akong alam na iba pang dahilan. kung ipagpapatuloy pa, alam ko at tiyak akong lalo lang makakasakit.

ayoko. tama na. walang patutunguhan.