If only I could

by Kat Ongoco
May 1, 2012

I want to fall. I really do.
But you should push me.
Hard,
and exhaust your every strength.

I want to cry. I must cry.
But I am now different.
Not the girl from highschool
nor from college anymore.

I want to say something.
Those three words.
But my heart and my mind,
they are holding me tight.

I want to hate, you. Of all person.
But you do things that I love.
You give me what I need
and offer all you can.

I have to decide. Yes or no?
Ask myself if this is possible.
Hate myself for hurting you,
more than trice.

I have to open my eyes. Both of them.
Look deeper into my heart.
Search for the answers,
not for more unhelpful questions.

I have to ask Him. How?
How will this story end?
Perhaps, I am more interested to ask,
how am I gonna make it right?

100 PUSH UPS + 100 CRUNCHES = DEATH

Because we are not going to have our training this December 22 (thursday), Kuya Gino, our trainer, gave us an assignment.


"ASSIGNMENT: atleast 100 push ups, atleast 100 crunches per day, do it within 30 mins. kayo bahala sa rests
Hindi ko kau mamomonitor kung gagawin niyo to or not pero mahahalata natin kung sino ang mga lumalakas na dancers,, so ipakita nyo ung dedication nyo,, let me remind you na defending champion ang group nyo.
By january gagawin nyo yang conditioning na yan in front of me,, so by that time hindi na dapat kayo nahihirapan since sanay na dapat kayo non.. and iiincrease natin to 150 parehas yun.. you better start early :)"

I tried to do this today but I failed. I can't complete 100 push ups so I did 200 crunches instead. I don't know how to do push ups correctly. I wanna die now (of course, I kid).

My body is so tired, but I still managed to do this blog? Funny right?

I just don't want to miss this day, the very first day that I tried to do 70 push ups and 200 crunches within 30 minutes. The day i tried to kill my self. hahaha

I wish to learn how to do push ups correctly. My back is aching and I wanna go to the hospital. I wish to wake up at 2am later and still manage to serve for the Simbang Gabi in Ermita Shrine.

By the way, before I did this, i checked how to do crunches first (the right and safe one).
Check these out :)

Not Now

I definitely don't want to fall in love with someone yet. Not now. Not in my last year as a college student. Not during my hell month and my hell year. Not with all the readings and thesis. Definitely not this academic year.

So you should wait! Wait until I get my diploma and pass the entrance exam in law school.

Surely Blessed with KitKat

Before my sister left for Japan, I asked her to buy me a strawberry OR a banana OR a wasabe flavored KitKat. Now that she's back, she told me she wasn't able to buy a single KitKat because she doesn't have enough money for that, only to find out that she bought all three flavors with two more (apple and melon)!

I am so blessed. Lord and Mama Guia, thank you so much!!!

Right or Not?

We always pray for something that we thought we cannot have. And when the time comes that He gives us all the things that we asked for, we'll be asking ourselves whether it is right or not? Whether we deserve to have those things or not? If its the right time or not?

Now, i realized the right thing to do. That is to accept the things that He gives us. Good or bad. Blessings or triumphs in life. Accept everything and thy will be done. Go with the flow. Handle His gifts with care and treasure them. Grab it and embrace it hard.

We'll never know if its the right time or if we deserve it unless we'll receive the gift first. However, by the time that we already have it, be gentle. Do not overuse His gift. And, do not make it the center of your life because the reason why He gave that gift is for you to use it to fulfill your mission. So, use it but do not abuse it.

Lastly, thank Him for the gift. It is the least thing that you can do to show Him how thankful you are aside from using it and taking care of it. Be not afraid to ask for things but, still, always be contented with what you have. It is never wrong to ask for something you want to achieve. Because by asking we mean asking for help and guidance to achieve our dreams, be fulfilled and do what we have to do in this world.

Litong-lito

by Kat Ongoco

Nandyan na,
ayaw ko muna.

Bakit?
Nakakatakot eh.

Di ba hiniling mo yan?
Oo.

Eh bakit ayaw mo?
Kasi...

Kasi ano?
Kasi mahirap?

Mahirap alin?
Mahirap ang ganun.

Anong ganun?
Mahirap, baka mali?

Panong mali?
Di tama.

Oo, alam ko yun!
Ba't ka pa nagtatanong?

Pano yun magiging mali?
Kasi di tama.

Christmas 2011 Wishlist

1. I WANT TO SPEND MY CHRISTMAS WITH MY FAMILY

2. I want to have this Orange-Black Philips Headphones

11/11/11

Kung ngayon ang araw na mabibigyan ako ng pagkakataon para humiling ng isang bagay na parang imposibleng mangyare, hihilingin ko parin ang aking araw-araw na hiling.

Tanging ang Panginoon ang makakarinig, makaka-alam at makaka-intindi ng aking hiling. Tanging siya ang makakasagot at makakapagpatupad ng aking hiling.Sa dami ng humihiling sa araw na ito, sa tingin ko, sapat na humiling ako ng simple. Isang bagay na alam ng Panginoon na importante sa akin sa aking pang-araw-araw. Isang bagay na hindi kakaiba. Isang bagay na normal lamang dahil alam kong kahit sa ibang araw ako humiling, kung talagang karapatdapat ako at karapatdapat sa akin ay siyang matutupad din.

Isa pa, napakadami na ng biyayang ipinagkaloob sa akin ng nasa itaas para humiling pa ako ng para sa akin lamang. Napakarami ng taong nagmamahal sa akin at aking minamahal. Napakarami ng mga taong nagpapasaya ng bawat araw ko kaya naman sinisikap kong ibalik sakanila ang sayang kanilang ibinibigay. Napakadami kong materyal na bagay na higit sa dapat kong matanggap. Napakadami ng mga karanasan ko na pinaghuhugutan ko ng lakas ng loob at ng inspirasyon para sa mga araw na susunod kong tatahakin. Lubos akong pinagpala, kumpara sa iba. Kaya naman ang aking hiling ay mananatiling ang aking ordinaryong hiling. Isang salita na hindi lamang para sa aking sarili.

Kung ang hiling na aking sasambitin ay matutupad, maraming marami pong salamat. Kung hindi naman, alam kong matutupad din sa tamang panahon, sa panahong tama at nararapat.

Ms. Perfect

by Kat Ongoco

You're in love with
our friend,
i was extremely
happy for you, then.

You broke up,
you asked me why,
i answered with all
honesty and you realized.

You were hurt,
i told you to forget
about her and
move on.

I was in love,
you were there,
aware and informed
with all my stories.

I was left alone,
you're still there,
listening, laughing and
trying to make me smile.

They say you're
happier now,
i felt different
and surprised.

I heard you're
courting a new gal,
i suddenly wished
her to be me.

I was surprised
with myself when
I prayed and asked
Him for that.

Because you are
my guy friend,
my almost best friend,
you are a good friend.

Then, someone told
me, that you're in love
with a girl and
you call her "Ms. Perfect".

I became curious,
i asked who she is
and if i know her,
she said "Yes".

I asked again, she
said i'll be surprised,
asked for the third
time, again, no answer.

I asked how perfect
the girl is, so as to
identify who she is,
she answered me fast.

"She has a good heart,
she's also smart, friendly,
funny and with a good
sense of humor."

"She makes him happy
every time they talk,
special every time
she's with him."

"Wow", i said.
The only word i was
able to say, then i realized
she's really perfect.

Then she said,
the girl he badly loves
is the same girl i am
talking with now, You.

a message from my sweet friend/momey, April Flor Borlagdatan

"lots of love coming from my heart" - April Flor

She's definitely one of a kind. No one in my life is like her and can replace her. She can make you smile with just a word and laugh with just a blink of an eye. She's my go-home-buddy and my momster in college. She's my make-up artist and my fashion consultant. She's my stress reliever and my bear to hug when I need one. 


She's truly one of the BEST friends I've met in college and, I'm sure, one of those friends who will be there even at times when I badly need to burst out and fart. :))  

Love won't run out

In moments when you feel like you have given and given until there is no more of yourself to give, remember that love won't run out. God has an infinite amount of love for you and for you to pass on to others. Even at times when the well seems dry, God can send a flood. Let the flood of love wash over you and then drench everyone around you. 

Letters From my Lovers :)

Photo by: Kat Ongoco
the sweetest letters that i've received.
For those who gave me these letters, thank you for your love.
For the Lord, thank you for giving me the warmest love a person can ever have, thank you for giving me the best people who can tell me the sweetest "i love yous" in the world.

P.s. please don't take them away from me. :P

Walang Perpekto

'Di porket maganda o gwapo, sexy o macho, magaling kumanta at sumayaw, matalino sa eskwela, mabango, malamodelo ang katangkaran, mala perlas ang kulay o morena, maganda, mahaba at tuwid ang buhok, marunong maligo, marunong magsuot ng brief o panty, slang magsalita, marunong magbasa, magsulat o magdasal, mahusay sa maraming isports, magaling magdrawing at kung anu-ano pa ay perpekto na.

Gusto Kita

Sa tuwing may umaamin sakin na may nararamdaman sila sakin eto ang dahilan:

1. maganda ka!

2. matalino ka!

3. mabaet ka!

4. makulit ka!

5. gusto kita!

Pero, ang gusto ko sana ganito:

1. mabaet ka!

2. maganda kalooban mo!

3. mautak ka sa pagtulong sa ibang tao!

4. mapilit kang magkawang-gawa

5. gusto ko ang ugali mo!

Nakakapraning kasi na ang palaging unang napapansin ng mga tao ay ang panlabas na kaanyuan mo. Kung maganda ka, tara! Kung panget ka, wag na lang. Bakit hindi kaya subukan wag pansinin ang itsura ng tao at mas tingnan ang nasa loob ng puso nila? Kung mabuti pa ang kalooban, malinis ang hangarin, mapagmahal, etc.

Anyway, ganito na siguro talaga ang panahon ngayon. Gusto kita dahil unang una, maganda ka.

Photo by: Kat Ongoco

i am sad, depressed, and i wanna change this feeling and end this drama. everyone's telling me how much i've changed from a petite high school girl from a chubby kolehiyala. i don't know, but i always get irritated every time i hear my friends, my not so close friends, and even my enemies say, "You're gaining weight, Kat!"

the reason why i am currently using this picture as my profile picture in facebook is because i don't want people to see how i look now. i don't wanna hear anyone saying, "You look so fat" or "You've gained weight" or etc. because i feel so down whenever that happens.

i think i'll be using this picture as my dp for now. hay.

Di Mapipigilan ang Pagbabago

by Kat Ongoco

Maraming bagay sa mundo
ang patuloy at hindi mapipigilan
ang kakayahang magbago.

Tulad ng katawan,
siguro dati ika'y balingkinitan,
ang iyong katawa'y
lubos na hinahangaan
maging ng iyong mga kaibigan.

Ang iyong buhok,
dati'y tuwid na tuwid,
kasing itim ng langit 'pag gabi
at malabot kaya't parating
hinahaplos ng iyong iniibig.

Isa pa'y ang mukha
na dati'y makinis, maaliwalas
at walang bakas ng
kapaguran, laging nakangiti
sa bawat taong makita.

Ngayon, ang katawan mo'y
maaaring lumaki na parang
isang lobo na hinihipan ng
hanging dala ng pagkaing
iyong kinain.

Ang buhok mo'y unti-unting
nangulot kasabay ng iyong ikalay,
kulay at nagmistulang kahoy at
ang haba'y di na pansin pagkat
ang tubo'y naging pabilog.

Nagliliitang tagihawat ay nagsimulang
manirahan sa iyong mukhang
bilasa na sa polyusyon na dala ng
hangin sa lungsod na tinitirhan,
maging ang ngiti'y di na maaninag.

Ngayon ang iyong tanong,
bakit kailangang magbago ang
minsa'y naging perpekto mong
kaanyuan?

Bakit di na lamang naging kasing
ganda ng iyong katawan ang
bata mong katawan?

Bakit di na lamang naging kasing
haba at tuwid ng iyong buhok
ang buhok mong ngayo'y
naging kulot at tuyo?

Bakit ang mukha mong kasing kinis
ng perlas ay naging kasing gaspang
na ng bato sa kalsada?

Ikaw din ang makakasagot,
ang hangin na nagdala sayo
sa pagbabago ang siyang
tanging makakapagbigay
ng kasagutan sa bawat tanong
na dala ng pagbabago.

Paslit na Dalaga

by Kat Ongoco

Para kang isang batang
paslit na walang alam
sa mundo kundi manira
ng araw na halos kasing
ganda at saya na ng isang
dalagitang umiibig.

Ang buo kong katawan
ay namamanhid sa pagkayamot
sa iyong paulit-ulit
na maling gawain.

Tila ang tingin mo sa
iyong sarili'y isa kang
bagong silang sa mundo,
isang sanggol na maaaring
magkamali at madaling
patatawarin.

Ngunit sa totoong mundo,
ikaw ay may edad na,
nasa wastoong edad na
kaya't di na kaaya-aya ang
mag-asal kang bata.

Dina lulusot ang katangahan
sa dami ng iyong ipinagmamalaking
pinagdaanan sa mundo.
Kaya naman, heto ako,
nakikiusap sayo, at sa Panginoon,
na ikaw nawa'y umakto
sa iyong gulang, wasto at hindi
katulad ng batang nadadapa
sa kalye at biglang iiyak
dahil sa sakit na nadama.

ang sama ng loob ko

ako ang tipong minsan lang magtampo, mainis o magalit dahil sa sobrang haba ng pasensya ko. at sa panahong nagtampo, nainis o nagalit man ako sayo, may dahilan yon at hindi lang 'yon pag-iinarte. ibig sabihin, may nagawa ka talagang mali at hindi kaaya-aya para sa akin.

pero, buhay mo yan. di kita papakialaman. gagamitin ko lang ang pinagaralan ko sa larangan ng pag-arte.

One Friend Request

I stalked your profile,
are you doing the same with mine?
Or am I just over-analyzing things,
because you're simply not that kind.
-----------------------------------
Its really surprising how a simple friend request can make you scream so loud and jump with all the joy that you have, how a name in the screen of your cellphone can make you smile for hours, and how that incident can distract you all day, all night, all week and, probably, all month long.

(my retreat crush happens to invite me in facebook. yes, its not a big deal and its just an invite but why, of all people, invite me?)

Good night and God bless! Thy will be done.

Lord, I know

by Kat Ongoco
September 26, 2011 12:50am

Lord, I know I should wait
for the right time and lace
when and where I could meet
that person you planned to live
with me as I wake up each day.

Lord, I know I shouldn't be sad
for you'll always be at my side
guiding me no matter what path
I choose to turn and no matter
who I choose to be with.

Lord, I know I must not be jealous
with my colleagues who are loved
for I know you are there to
make me feel that I am
loved and cherished for all my life.